this just has baby written all over it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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