my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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