For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
