I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found the puke drawer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
