How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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