I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
worst night to have a conscience
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
