you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
