my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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