He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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