Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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