if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize