in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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