I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
