Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
