I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
