me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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