There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We left an ass print on the piano.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize