We won't sleep together?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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