There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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