Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
