New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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