I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
