Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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