I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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