one might say we're banned from that church
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
