My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
