in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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