a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
