just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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