so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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