is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize