Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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