Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
