I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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