oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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