A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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