I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize