booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We have started to decorate penises.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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