I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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