i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
