I accidentally burped into my bong.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
