As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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