Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
