If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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