It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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