We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
