You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So squirting runs in the family.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
