I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need a beard to bite.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
