I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
