My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
