I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
