My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
