I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
