i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We are all done wearing pants today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
