all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
