She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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