stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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