I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
