eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize