this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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