we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
