I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Panties = found
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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