omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
