Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
